Runner Bailey Kowalczyk on Finding YOUR Strong in YOUR Body

What makes an athlete? Is it the way we carry ourselves, the competitive mindset, the camaraderie and community of a sport? Is it the results, the numbers, the data, the ability to push ourselves to the edge of the human body’s limits on a weekly basis? Or, is it simply the way we look and how society portrays us?

To many people, the answer would clearly not be the last of those. And yet, society and our internal dialogue convince many of us athletes that if we look a certain way, we will be more successful, faster, stronger, etc.

The Athlete Equation

As a life-long competitive runner, I took so much pride in my ability to take care of the machine that did it all: my body. I ate all the “right” foods, went to sleep at 8 pm, did my strength, and showed up to every session with a fire in my eyes.

Studying human physiology in college gave me an even more comprehensive understanding of the human body, what it needs to thrive, and how it functions and responds to different stressors. I thought I had the perfect “athlete equation” figured out, until society came into play.

Society Spirals

Society says you have to be “thinner,” “leaner,” and have a six pack of abs and zero body fat in order to be a successful runner. Periods mean you are carrying too much fat as a female athlete, and those should not be present.

As an impressionable 18 year old, trying to be my fastest and most successful self, all I needed was some well-respected college coaches to reinforce these societal beliefs. In a short time, I found myself spiraling, fast.

While I wish I could say it was an overnight fix, it took some “rock bottom” moments to realize that something needed to change for me. Training at a high level on an under fueled body is a recipe for injury, and I found myself with two sacral fractures over the course of 6 months. These injuries fueled the fire to finally address the deeply rooted unhealthy behaviors I had acquired over the years.

For many years, I worked closely with a sports psychologist, dietician and doctor on regaining control over my health and body. I started to share my story —becoming more vulnerable in the process — and sought advice from other professional athletes with similar histories.

Over the last 10 years, I have worked hard to pick up the pieces that resulted from Anorexia and an extremely unhealthy relationship with my body and sport. I have redefined myself in ways I never thought were possible, and learned more about the human body and brain than any textbook could have ever taught me.

Strong ≠ Thin

Today, I am not in my thinnest body, and I am nowhere near that. I do not have a six pack anymore, and I don’t obsess over an arbitrary number on the scale. I eat a diet with very little restrictions, and I indulge in foods that sound good to me.

Sometimes I stay up past 10 pm, and sometimes I sleep in. Yet, I feel stronger than I ever have, my body can handle more training, and my results have only gotten better.

Every time I have tried to manipulate my body for sport, I actually ended up further from my goals — slower, weaker, injured, and less successful. In a healthy body, I compete in the most competitive fields in the world, and trust that my body can handle the challenges I throw at it.

Why I’m Telling My Story

While this narrative is quite common in the endurance sports world, I hope that my journey serves as a reminder to everybody struggling with their mental health and body image, both in and out of the competitive world.

Your body is YOUR body, not the person next to yours, and definitely not the person telling you to change it. Finding your strengths and leaning into them is a much healthier and more sustainable route to success than trying to meet an unrealistic societal norm.

Athletes are all humans at the end of the day, and the human body is a unique machine that deserves respect.

About the Author

Bailey Kowalczyk is a Nike and Darn Tough sponsored trail runner based out of Boulder, Colorado. She specializes in sub ultra distances, around 50k in length and under. She has been competitive on numerous national and international stages, while speaking openly about the importance of mental health in sport.

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